Joke I found funny...

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white exec
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by white exec » 20 Feb 2018, 12:22

The stuff of nightmares... 8-[
One day...all this.....jpg

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CitroJim
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by CitroJim » 20 Feb 2018, 15:42

^^^ Chris :rofl2:

I had similar with my own dad...

And so will my kids ;) :lol:

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Stickyfinger
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Stickyfinger » 22 Feb 2018, 08:24

15350540_10154623322670390_822930077954789813_n.jpg

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CitroJim
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by CitroJim » 22 Feb 2018, 08:42

^^ :rofl2:

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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Karata » 01 Mar 2018, 15:11

Donald Trump is walking out of the White House and heading toward his limo, when a possible assassin steps forward and aims a gun. A secret service agent, new on the job, shouts “Mickey Mouse!” This startles the would be assassin and he is captured.

Later, the secret service agent’s supervisor takes him aside and asks, “What in the hell made you shout Mickey Mouse?”

Blushing, the agent replies, “I got nervous. I meant to shout “Donald, Duck!”

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bobins
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by bobins » 05 Mar 2018, 21:51

US firearms.jpg
US firearms

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myglaren
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by myglaren » 06 Mar 2018, 00:54

1520243632569.png

crapday69
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by crapday69 » 15 Mar 2018, 17:56

what's the difference between a chick pea and a lentil, you wouldn't pay £20 for a lentil on your face.

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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by crapday69 » 15 Mar 2018, 18:03


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MikeT
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by MikeT » 26 Mar 2018, 22:06

Standup comic on the topic of his latest car - a people carrier

Getting a people carrier is like the equivalent of wearing Cordroy slacks....

It's a sign to the world you've give up....

You just want some comfort and space.


"I made a mistake you will only make once. Poured petrol into a diesel car"....

It's like pouring gin into a woman....

Because you know at some point during the evening, she's going to break down.


The RAC turned up, and we all know they don't do anything subtle....

They turn up in a great big bright orange van with big orange flashing lights....

They turn up like this so that people in passing cars and planes know you're a d**k-head.

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CitroJim
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by CitroJim » 27 Mar 2018, 05:40

^^ Mike, that's excellent! The first two are so true but the third... Well, no, not all breakdowns are down to stupidity...

Hell Razor5543
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Hell Razor5543 » 27 Mar 2018, 23:04

I was in a charity shop, looking at the books section when I saw one with a title that I just HAD to buy. It is a compendium of jokes. The title?

A Dyslexic walks into a Bra!

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CitroJim
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by CitroJim » 28 Mar 2018, 05:50

James, was he the same one who suffered insomnia and lay awake at night wondering if there was a dog?

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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Hell Razor5543 » 28 Mar 2018, 07:53

Probably, Jim.

One day, early in the history of the Earth, God decides he wants Adam and Eve to populate the Earth. To get them warming up he tells Adam to kiss Eve. Adam asks "What is a kiss?", which God then explains. Adam leads Eve behind a bush, and after a few minutes Adam reappears and says "Thank you Lord, that was most enjoyable".

Then God tells Adam to caress Eve. Adam asks "What is a caress?", which God also explains. They go behind the bush again, and after ten minutes or so Adam comes back out, saying "Thank you Lord, that was even more enjoyable".

Finally God tells Adam to make love to Eve. Adam asks the inevitable question, and God explains. Adam goes behind the bush, but re-appears after a few seconds, asking "Lord, what is a headache?".

---

God has almost finished creating the Universe and all within when he finds there are a couple of things left over. He calls by The Garden of Eden and tells them he has a couple of useful things left over, and they can have one each. "The first one is the ability to pee standing up" the Lord says "which, while it does not sound very interesting, could be useful".

Adam starts jumping up and down saying that he wants that ability. God asks Eve if that is OK with her, to which Eve wearily replies "Well, if it makes him happy he can have it".

God then says "OK, Adam, you now have the ability to pee standing up. Now, what was the other ability? Oh, yes, multiple orgasms..."

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CitroJim
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by CitroJim » 28 Mar 2018, 08:19

^^^ :rofl2:

James, two there of absolute top quality :D